The Longest Autumn

•A storm came and passed. If anything was left behind, it was the signs of destruction.•

Five Days… Five nights.

People say time heals every injury, but sometimes time stands helpless in front of such wounds that one gets from hopes, love and trust. Some wounds become festering sores giving permanent emotional scars. And the unbearable pain pierce one till the soul. Unfortunately, no one can see it. Not even the closest people. 

He was buttoning up the shirt in front of the mirror but his questioning eyes held a deep view of the face present in the mirror. 

The charmless face, eyes surrounded by dark circles and face without a smile. He felt pity on the young man who once was full of energy and hope. 

Energy of becoming the best husband 

And hope of living a life full of joy. 

But today? Today he suddenly became a burden on himself. He no longer was able to accept himself. 

Fayra's words were melting in his eyes like molten lava. “Aapko maine shohor ki nazar se na hi kabhi dekha tha na hi kabhi dekh paungi.”

(I never saw you as a husband, and I never will.)

Taking a deep breath he fastened the last button and let it go aggressively. Angry? No he wasn't angry anymore. His anger was gone with broken hope. Anger exists only where hope still remains, where there is a slight scope to assert one's rights. However Fayra took away all the rights, and if she was ready to give, it was not because of feelings but a burden. Burden of her mother's health and guilt. He didn't want to trade this marriage with the burden. 

Grabbing the laptop bag he walked out of the room. The stairs leading to the hall gave him chills. Maybe for the first time there was a dead haunting in the home.

As soon as he stepped towards the hallway his gaze travelled to the kitchen, Fayra was struggling to cook something. Completely ignoring her he walked towards the room on the right side of the hall. 

“Sara mami." A knock on the already open door and he heard a stammering voice granting him permission to enter. 

“How are you now?" He asked politely and Sara just nodded. It was getting difficult for her to collect words and talk. 

“Chamu kuch chahiye ho to phone kar dijiyega. Maine physiotherapist se baat kar li hai, wo aaj se ghar aa jayengi. Aapko har rooz hospital Jane ki zarurat nhi hai." 

(Chamu, call me if you need anything and I have already talked to the physiotherapist, she will come home from today. No need to go to hospital daily.)

"Thank you.”

"From when you need to be so formal with me?” Danish asked and Adnaan just looked at his wife who was lifting her right leg with left hand to step down from the bed. 

"Mummy I have…” with an energetic voice Fayra entered the room with a bowl of soup in her hand but stopped after seeing Danish there. For a moment their gazes met, he was the first to look away and forced a smile at Sara. 

“I'm going Mami, take care.” And he passed by Fayra without even paying a single bit of attention. Every single glance of Fayra was giving him pain. He walked out of the home without wasting much time and everyone knew now he would come back home around midnight. 

To overcome a heartbreak some people may go towards intoxication and drugs but here he indulged in the work. Anzala asked him to take rest but he had only one reply to every question regarding health and conditions “Don't worry I'm fine." But anyone could see how fine he was.

In these five days Rizwi mansion didn't see a single Happy moment. They all were silent and stressed. 

Maizah and Anzala were broken to see their son's dull face. Danish neither complained nor expressed his grief, but his silence was yelling louder than any commotion. 

Andaan was dying from inside, one reason was Fayra's divorce and another was Sara's health. How could he tolerate all tragedies one after another, yet he stood strong in front of every odd. 

But the most guilty person was Fayra. Within a few days she was completely changed. Now she was the stubborn, careless and hyper-sensative girl who stayed confused among her decisions. She was the girl who never woken up easily for school and college but now she was setting alarms for her mother's medicine and meals. Till a few days ago, whenever Sara asked Fayra to learn at least survival cooking she grimaced and refused but now she was making soups, porridge, oats and some more soft foods for her mother through following YouTube recipes or under Fiza’s assistance. From attention seeker to caregiver she suddenly became mature. 

“Papa, will you feed mummy?" She asked while passing the bowl of soup to Adnaan and turned to leave the room but stopped by Sara's broken voice. She found her mother opening her left arm. Fayra, somehow, controlled her desire to cry and hugged her mother. Placing her head on her mother's chest she wrapped her arms around her ribs. 

"Mummy, get well soon.”

“Fa-yra." 

"Yeah mummy?” She didn't break the hug, just muttered with already shut eyes.

"Accept this marriage.” Sara completed this little sentence with great difficulties and in many parts.

Fayra broke the hug and Adnaan came closer to his wife. No one had courage to break the reality in front of Sara. Only the possibility of separation lead her to this condition. What would happen to her if she got to know about the last decision of Danish?

“Tujhe bhi aadat hai stress leni ki, maine keh diya hai na tujhse ki main sab handle kar lunga to kyu apna dimaag chalati rehti hain? Chal soup taste kar ke bata kesa banaya hai hamari beti ne?" Adnaan tried his best to behave as normal as possible. As if nothing happened but Sara was giving a questioning look which led Adnaan to sigh.

(You always stress out. I told you I’ll handle everything, so stop overthinking. Come on, taste the soup our daughter made and tell me how it is.)

"Beti ki shadi ki tayyariya karni hai ya nhi? Yaar tu kaam chor to pehle bhi thi lekin is baar to hadd ho kar di, jaldi se theek ho jaa phir shopping par jana hai. Iske liye jewellery leni hai aur naye kapde bhi. Shopping to hame bhi karni hogi na, ek looti beti ki shadi me mujhe to sabse zyada handsome dikhna hai, logo ko bhi to pta chale dulhan ka baap hai.” a smile broke on Sara's lips as she imagined Fayra getting married soon. 

(Are we actually planning our daughter’s wedding or what? Dude, you’ve always been a slacker, but this time you’ve broken records! Hurry up and recover so we can hit the mall. We've got to get jewellery and outfits for her. And hello, what about us? I need to look absolutely dashing at my only daughter’s wedding—people need to see who the Father of the Bride is!)

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"Danish, beta... Bas ho gya kaam, ab ghar chalo." Anzala came into Danish's cabin but he looked up then glanced at his wrist watch. 

(Danish, enough for today, let's go back home.)

“Dad… I have to work a little more, I'll come back after some time.” He again shifted his focus towards the laptop, didn't Anzala know what important work his son was doing? 

“Danish stop avoiding your home," Anzala walked closer and took his seat in front of his son but Danish neither looked up nor replied, his eyes were fixed on the laptop scene. Anzala was silently watching him. 

“Why don't you go back to UAE?" 

“What?" Danish wasn't expecting this. How badly he wanted to settle down his business there, but his parents didn't let him chase his dreams just because they had doubts regarding him and Aisha. The girl he was never interested in. But what happened now? He shut the laptop with a jolt. 

"Dad I wanted to make my career but you forced me to come back. For you my marriage was more important. And now, neither I'm left with that marriage nor with my dream career.” Maybe it was the first time when Danish argued with his father with this much rage. But this man knew, this anger was justified. 

"What are you regretting more? Ending this marriage or your career?” Anzala asked one of the most difficult questions in the most calm voice and Danish was clueless of his own feelings. 

“If the answer is marriage then…” Anzala took a small pause. "You still have two options. Fayra is ready, hmm…. Not by her choice, due to her guilt and family pressure. If you want her as your wife, you can still tell me, I'll handle the rest, but if not her then there is no shortage of girls in this world. Get married and settle down in your life. If seeing her in front of your eyes is a problem then we have a solution for that too… we will move into a new house." Anzala gave all the practical solutions but love and emotions don't understand the theoretical solutions, they make and follow their own path. 

“If it comes to Fayra, I don't want a dummy wife, who stays with me just because separation could lead to her mother's death or disability. Relationships work with dual efforts, I don't want to pull the burden of this marriage all alone. I want pure love and affection from my wife, without any condition. Your second question regarding marriage… I'm not ready for one more marriage thing. And about shifting… I won't leave my place one more time to run away from Fayra, she wants to go away from me? Let her go wherever she wants, I won't move out. I can't compromise my comfort for her anymore.”

"You're still running away my dear.” Anzala placed his hand on Danish's shoulder and squeezed it gently. Coming to the office even before the gatekeeper and leaving it after midnight were clear signs of avoiding someone in the home.

"No, I'm not. I'm just trying to expand our business.” 

"Okay as you wish.” Anzala didn't want to drag this matter but he was determined to do something to take his son out from the pit of grief. 

"Dad, one more thing.” Before he could leave, a voice stopped him. "Will you give this to Fayra with the involvement of elders or should I give it to her in front of her parents?” Danish asked, his eyes fixed on a file.

"What's this?”

"Divorce papers.” 

A marriage that started from papers was about to end on papers only. Anzala remembered his time, he was broken and angry when his family was about to end his and Maizah's marriage, he wanted Maizah to take stand but when she didn't, he himself tore the divorce papers in front of the family members. Anzala watched his son for a little longer, he wished Fayra to tear the papers just like he did years ago, all he wanted to save his son from heartbreak but being trapped in a loveless marriage will also be heartbreaking. 

“Is this your last decision?" While looking at the already signed papers, Anzala saw his son who was showing himself just fine but the father knew he was dealing with a storm which was destroying him.

"Yes, I don't want to live with the blame that I forced this marriage when she wanted to break it.” 

"I'll give the papers to Adnaan.” 

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"Anzu, Where is Danish? You assured me to take him along.” Maizah was disappointed in her husband when he came back alone but Anzala passed her the file of divorce papers. 

“Mazi I'm helpless. I can't see my son in this pain… I can't do anything to bring him back towards life. You ask Fayra, I didn't want this marriage to take place ever but now I don't want it to end because my son is broken.” When did Maizah witness a broken Anzala? Never. He didn't care about anything. His father's death broke him but not more than this situation. He had been Maizah's strength, and today she was seeing her strength getting weaker.

“Tu tut jayega to hame kon sambhalega?" Maizah sat beside him, placing her hand on his wrist, tears present in her eyes after seeing the condition of Anzala. 

(Who will support us if you become weak?)

"Kese mazbut banu yaar? Mujhse sab bardasht ho jata hai, Danish ki ye halat bardasht nhi ho rhi. Wo ladka andar hi andar ghut rha hai, na kuch keh rha hai na roo rha hai.” 

(How do I become strong? I can endure everything else, but I cannot bear this condition of Danish. He is suffocating from within; he is neither saying anything nor is he crying.)

“Agar Danish ne feysla kar hi liya hai to Fayra se baat karne ki zarurat nhi hain. Ham sab ne use bohot samjhaya lekin use samajh nhi aa rha to uske saamne bheek nhi mang sakte na… main Danish ke liye koi aur ladki dhundh lungi.” Maizah announced her decision. 

(If Danish has made his final decision, there is no point in convincing Fayra. We all advised her so much, but she refuses to understand. We cannot beg before her... I will find another girl for Danish)

"Aur wo Mohabbat kaha se layegi jo Danish Fayra se karta hai?” Anzala’s question was also valid. 

(And from where will you bring the love that Danish has for Fayra?)

"Anzu agar nikkah ka rishta bhi Fayra ke dil me Danish ke liye mohabbat nhi daal saka to wo sari zindagi us se mohabbat nhi kar payegi. In dono ek khokhle rishte me baandh kar koi fayda nhi hai.”

(Anzu, if even the bond of marriage cannot instill love in Fayra's heart for Danish, then she will never be able to love him for the rest of her life. There is no point in tying these two in a hollow relationship.)

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Andaan was sitting in the hall when Fayra came out from the bedroom of her parents. She was helping Sara in changing clothes. How helpless a person feels when the body stops working the way it works. 

“Fayra." 

“Yeah papa?" Fayra stopped to go upstairs and came to her father. 

“Danish has sent divorce papers." Fayra noticed a file in Adnaan's hands, and a flood of stress on his face. 

"I'll talk to Danish. Don't worry." She stood up but his hand was grabbed by a hard hand. 

“Sit here." 

“Yeah." 

“Do you really want to work on this marriage or this decision is for Sara?" Fayra lifted her eyes and again shifted her gaze to the floor. Her silence was clearly yelling that she was sacrificing her life for her mother. 

“Fayra, I'm asking something." 

"Papa you already know everything so what is the point of repeating this question again and again? What difference will it make? I'm accepting this marriage, isn't it enough?” 

"No it's not enough.” Adnaan shook his head. "Beta shadi ghar walo ki marzi se kari jaa sakti hai lekin nibhane ke liye apni marzi chahiye hoti hai. Tum tayyar nhi ho is rishte ko nibhane ke liye to apni aur Danish ki zindagi barbad na kro. Ye sach hai, us se achha ladka na jaane mile ya na mile, lekin… pinjra soone ka bhi ho to pinjra hi rehta hai.” Andaan opened the file and passed a pen towards Fayra. 

(Dear, one can get married with the family's choice but to make that relationship work you'll need to work on it willingly. Don't ruin your and Danish's life if you're not ready. That's true, it's hard to find a perfect guy like Danish but… a cage made of gold is still a cage.)

“Mummy?" She cried out with the thought of Sara stressing about the divorce. 

“No one will tell her for now, we'll slowly introduce her to reality. Moreover… She is your mother, she already knows your stubbornness. Deep down she has already accepted that you won't change your decision." 

“Really?" Fayra muttered and Afnaan nodded. 

"But you have to promise one thing…” putting the divorce papers on the other side he put his hand in front of her. 

"What?”

"Graduation khatam hone wali hai, uske baad business join kro.” Fayra was shocked. Since childhood she had announced stubbornly that she would not join the family business. She was interested in spending money, not in earning it. She hated the idea of working, either in the office or at home. Adnaan knew she could maintain that lifestyle by marrying in a rich family just like them so he never criticised her decision but by getting rejected by one groom and now another divorce, it was going to get difficult for them to get her married soon with all such demands, moreover Fayra wasn't going to get married soon after two unpleasant experience in the name of marriage so it would better to focus on her financial stability.

(Your graduation is about to finish soon, then join business.)

“But papa…”

"Fayra tumhari zarurate pure karne ke liye main hamesha zinda nhi rahunga, tumhara koi bhai nhi hai jo tum par kharch kare, aur agar hota bhi tab bhi wo apni family ko priority deta tumhe nhi. Kam se kam itni stable ho jao ki agar main marne wala hu to mujhe ye dar na ho ki mere marne ke baad meri beti kisi ki mohtaaj ho jayegi.” Adnaan held her daughter's hands tightly and she hugged him just like she used to do in childhood. 

(Fayra, I won’t always be alive to fulfill your needs. You don’t have a brother who would spend on you, and even if you did, he would prioritize his own family, not you. At least become stable enough so that if I am about to die, I don't have the fear that my daughter will be dependent on anyone after my death.)

“Don't leave me alone ever. I promise I will join the business and become independent." She promised and signed the papers. That night she slept so peacefully as if a huge burden was taken off from her mind and frame but Danish spent a long and sleepless night.

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