The Longest Autumn

“Aisha? How is it even possible?” he shook his head even with the thought of Aisha as his wife. “How can dad think about her?" He jerked his head while trying to focus on the ongoing movie but couldn't. Suddenly he remembered the girl who used to make the best Daal chawal, who made sure that he ate properly when he was all alone, the girl who never forgot to add him in her prayers, the girl who assured him to get a job when he was deprived. 

He sighed and closed his eyes. Her face from the last meeting suddenly started coming in front of his eyes. They didn't even have a nice goodbye memory. It was the harsh end of a beautiful friendship. 

"I wish I could change the past.” He remembered Aisha's eyes filled with tears. She was hurt for being targeted. 

Should I apologise one more time?

He picked the mobile up, and soon a name starting with ‘A’ was flashing on it. His thumb was about to touch it but ‘She didn't want to talk to me’, he placed the mobile phone down. ‘But… just once. Just to know her whereabouts.’ He again picked the mobile phone, dialled the number but before it could ring he cut the call and placed the mobile under his pillow, resuming to focus on the movie. 

Jab Aisha se koi rishta rakhna hi nhi hai to kyu use contact karu?

(Why buy a ticket for a train you’re not boarding?)

<><><>

Resting her head in her mother's lap feels like a blessing but she was deprived from this blessing since her mother was ill. Moreover, she was already distant from her mother. Since childhood, she was closest to Adnaan or Danish, rest of the time she had Momina, but now, she only had two people in her life. Her parents. And now, one of them was behaving like a boss for more than eight hours and the other one stayed busy in physiotherapy and speech therapy sessions. This loneliness kills sometimes. 

“Mummy." 

"Hmm?” Sara hummed, her hand was still pressing the sponge ball regularly as an exercise. 

"Tomorrow is Sunday, let's plan an outing.” She muttered and Sara looked at her condition, she also wanted to go somewhere but at the same time she didn't want to. 

"Go somewhere with…” Sara stopped as she was about to say Danish, then thought about it again… though Adnaan and the other family members didn't disclose about the divorce yet she knew her daughter. If Fayra was avoiding Danish to this extent that clearly showed that there was no chance of getting them together. "Umm… With Zunera." Sara completed her suggestion but Fayra sighed. 

“Zinia is preparing for the exam, you know na… so Zunera will also not join me." 

“Mummy please na." Fayra requested with a smile. Sara gave her a requesting as well as apologising look. How could she explain to this girl how difficult it felt for her to step ahead and walk, and she hated being on a wheelchair, it made her feel handicap, helpless and dependent. 

"Fine.” Fayra muttered and dangled her legs down the bed when Adnaan entered the room with two boxes of pizza and soft drinks. Fayra walked past him without paying attention. 

"Fayra, Pizza…” 

"Papa, I don't want to eat.” 

"What happened to her? She was fine in the office.” he looked at Sara then towards the door from where she just left. 

“She wants to go for an outing but… Adnaan I feel tired.” 

"Oh, okay. I'll talk to her." Said Adnaan while sitting beside his wife and half her hand after putting everything on the nightstand. 

“Jangli billi, get well soon yaar,” Lifting her weak hand in his hand he muttered with love and Sara tightened the grip a bit. 

"Will she consider Danish?” She asked and Adnaan kissed the back of her palm. 

"Teri aesi halat dekh ke mera dil nhi lagta.” 

(I don't feel good to see you in such a situation.)

“Bakwaas na karo, achhi tarha jaanti hu kya kar rhe ho tum. Baat na ghumao." She gave a disappointed look to him and he smiled. 

(Don't divert the topic, I know very well what you are trying to do.)

"No darling, I really am expressing my true feelings.” Adnaan tried his best to divert Sara's mind but she glared at him. 

"She is my daughter, I had carried her in my womb for nine months.” 

"Seven months, she was a premature baby.” Adnaan corrected on which he again got a glare from Sara. 

"Seven months or nine months, I knew how to read her like a book. She is not ready to accept Danish. Right?” Adnaan didn't reply, he just looked at Sara's hand which started working after a long therapy every single day. Another shock could reverse all the progress. 

“You people are hiding something. Aren't you?" Sara could sense the tension among family members, but even after asking many times she was unaware of the reason. But yesterday when she asked Anzala about the reason behind his silence and indifferent behaviour he simply patted her head and said… ‘I can't be indifferent with you Sara, I am your elder brother, and I'll always be one for you… but… My son is most important to me. Get well soon, then we will discuss everything.’ from that time to now, Sara was trying to understand the matter that Anzala had to discuss but no one was giving her a single clue. 

"You're right, Fayra is not ready to accept Danish as a husband and…" 

“Stop this nonsense, just clearly tell me. I won't die from the shock." Sara was frustrated but Adnaan was scared.

"They already got divorced.” Sara's heart skipped a beat, she felt as if the roof fell down on her and the land slipped away from under her feet all at once. 

She tried to say something. Her chapped lips parted a bit, trembled and pursed again. Eyes filled with fresh tears. Adnaan felt her grip losing around his hand. 

“Are you serious?" Her shaking voice echoed in his ears and he blinked his eyes without choosing to use any word. "And no one even informed me. Adnaan she is my daughter too, how could you make such a huge decision without my involvement?" 

“What would you do? Both of them didn't want to continue this marriage." 

“And you didn't try to convince Fayra? Adnaan, how could you let our daughter take the wrong step?" 

"How staying in a marriage unwillingly is the right step, Sara?” Adnaan asked politely and Sara just closed her eyes.

“Danish is…” he didn't let her complete the sentence.

"Danish was our choice, Sara, not hers. Moreover… we have to admit, it was our fault, she was already heartbroken, how could we accept her to get married to someone else when she was already in love with Arsh and he refused to marry her? We imposed our decision on her.” Sara was silently watching her husband defending Fayra. Maybe he was correct but the mother's heart was broken to see her daughter's loneliness. For Sara, Danish was the guarantee to a bright future for Fayra, and now she could see a big question mark on Fayra's future. 

“Now what?" Sara needed assurance from Adnaan 

“Now… I don't know." Adnaan shrugged. “For now I only have one ambition, to make her independent and confident. I don't want to talk about her marriage, she is just twenty one, for at least four years, let her rebuild herself. And as her parents we have to stand beside her. Sara, you have to stay strong for her, she has no one other than us.”

“Take me upstairs." Sara demanded with tear filled eyes, "okay, but don't cry in front of her.” Adnaan couldn't deny her request, but she cried out on her husband's chest. 

“You were never this weak jangli billi, how can you cry like this?” Embracing her tightly he muttered while resting his chin on her head. 

<><><>

Fayra was lying down in her bed, watching a comedy web series on her iPad but her face was dull, no smile at all. 

“Mummy… why did you climb stairs?” She sat down on the bed and Sara came near her.

"We will go for an outing tomorrow.” A dead smile was visible on Sara's lips.

"...are you sure?” Fayra was unable to get the reason behind this sudden change but Sara decided to put her weaknesses aside and think about her daughter's happiness. She didn't want to leave her daughter alone when she was already struggling in her life. 

"Where do you wanna go?” Sara asked while combing away the rough curls of her daughter. 

"Anywhere.” Fayra muttered and came closer to her mother, resting her head in her lap. 

"Movie? Or shopping?” Caressing her scalp softly Sara asked and Adnaan kissed Fayra's forehead while sitting near her. 

"Whatever you're comfortable with." Fayra closed her eyes and Sara realised one thing, this wasn't her fayra who used to cry for not having enough clothes in her wardrobe, she wasn't that Fayra who used to argue or throw tantrums for ignoring a small scratch on her elbow. Who was this girl? How much was she hiding inside her?

“We will go for a movie, then for shopping and we will come back after having dinner in your favourite restaurant.” Sara suggested and Fayra's eyes widened. 

"Really?” She sat down on the bed with a huge smile. 

"Yea. Really!” 

“Then the dinner will be from my side." Fayra announced and Adnaan chuckled. 

“Wow, now my daughter is rich enough to give treats to her parents." 

<><><><>

“Where are you going?" Zunera asked with wide eyes when noticed Adnaan, Sara and Fayra heading towards the car. 

“Just an outing, wanna join?" Adnaan smiled and Zunera gave a dramatic disappointed look to three of them. 

“Bade papa, badi Mummy, I know, you all love Apiya more but it doesn't mean that you couldn't even ask me to join." 

“You would not go without Zinia, so we didn't even ask." Fayra cleared but the girl pouted. 

“That's not fair. Why do I have to suffer for that bookworm?" Zunera, being a minimalist learner, always hated her sister's love towards study and great marks. For her, life is short so enjoy it on your father's money instead of worrying about earning it. 

"Get ready in ten minutes, we're waiting for you.” Sara smiled but Zunera pouted again. She hated her sister's love for books but she loved her sister too much. How could she leave that girl busy with books and enjoy a day out?

"... Umm… next time. And I'll be angry with you all if you planned anything without me." Showing her first finger she threatened all of them who just laughed and hopped in the car. “And don't forget to bring me ice cream while returning home."

“Anything else?" Adnaan asked and she shrugged with a mischievous grin. 

“That’s up to you, according to your love… bring as many things as you love me." 

"I don't love you…” Adnaan shook his head while starting the drive and Fayra also yelled "Not me either.” 

"I won't talk to you both.” Zunera shouted but sighed after seeing the car leaving. “Now what am I supposed to do? Such a boring Sunday." Sitting on the swing she rested her head on the side string and closed her eyes. 

“Now where are you going, Danish bhai?" She couldn't help but ask the only male cousin of this generation. 

“Just for an outing with my friends." 

“Take me along… I'm bored." 

“I'm going with my friends, what will you do in the all guys gang?” 

"So what should I do?”

"Go inside, read a book like a good girl, or go somewhere with your friends.” Danish also went away on his bike and the poor girl decided to obey his advice, reading a book was better than waiting for anyone to take her somewhere, but instead of reading inside, she decided to sit in the lawn and read. 

<><><><>

The sun was shining brightly above her head unlike a few hours ago when the soft rays were caressing her skin and cold wind was playing with her messy hair. Sitting with crossed legs she was continuously looking at the words present on the papers. A horn echoed, she didn't dare to remove her attention from the page. A bike entered into the mansion, she didn't move. A figure came near her and stayed there for at least one minute but she didn't look up. 

“Tum kyu roo rhi ho yaha baith ke?’’ Seeing Zunera on the swing, Danish came towards her to pass her the chocolates he brought for both of his sisters, but she was crying badly.

“Nothing." She finally looked up, sniffled, cleaned her tears with the back of her palm and stood up but Danish grimaced. 

“Nothing? Then what's the reason behind these tears?" He asked, then his gaze went to the book present in her hand… it flashed a scene from the past. “Jannat ke pattey. This book. Are you crying over this book?" Taking the book from her hand Danish asked. Zunera wiped her tears and nodded.

“Aesa bhi kya hai in book mein jo har ladki ye read kar ke roone lag jaati hai? Heroine ko kuch ho jata hai kya?" This was the same book once Aisha was reading and crying.

(What is so special about these books that every girl starts crying after reading it? Does something horrible happen to the heroine?)

“Kon kambakht heroine ke liye roota hai? Main to Ayeshe k liye roo rhi hu.” Danish's heart skipped a beat, instead of Aisheh he heard Aisha.

(Who the hell cries for the heroine? I'm crying for Ayeshe.)

“Aisha? Aisha ko kya hua?”

(Aisha? What happened to Aisha?)

"Aap nhi jaante kya?” Zunera looked up with disappointment and Danish shook his head. He was truly confused. 

(Don't you know?

“Ayeshe Jihan Sikandar se mohabbat karne lagi thi, lekin usne kabhi bataya nhi kyuki Jihan pehle se hi shadi shuda tha." Danish felt his grip loosing around the book, his heart and legs started trembling. Aisha's crying face flashed in his eyes. Her questioning eyes suddenly started making sense. Her prayers for him suddenly became the testimony of her pure feelings but… Danish shook his head while taking a step back. 

(Ayeshe started loving Jihan Sikandar silently but he is already married, he didn't even know what Ayeshe feels for him.)

“Aisha aur mohabbat? Nhi aesa kese ho sakta hai? Wo to bas … bas dosti thi, mohabbat nhi thi." he stopped in between the sentence and Zunera smiled like a sarcasm.

(Aisha and love? No. Impossible! How is it even possible? It was… it was just a friendship. Nothing more or less.)

“Dosti? Sirf Dosti? Sachhi mohabbat karti thi wo Jihan se, tab hi to apni Khushi se zyada Jihan ke baare me socha aur uske liye sab kuch kra, Haya se milwane ke liye jitne efforts Ayeshe ne kiye koi aur kyu karta..  lekin wo sachhi mohabbat karti thi Jihan se, isi liye selfless thi selfish hoti to apne bare me sochti, jihan aur Haya ke beech me difference create kra deti aur khud Jihan ki zindagi ka hissa ban jaati.” 

(Friendship? Just friendship? She truly loved Jihan, which is why she thought about Jihan's happiness more than her own and did everything for him. Why would anyone else put in as much effort as Ayeshe did to bring him and Haya together? But she loved Jihan truly, and that is why she was selfless. If she were selfish, she would have thought about herself, created differences between Jihan and Haya, and made herself a part of Jihan's life.)

"Lekin Agar sach me itni mohabbat karti thi to kabhi bataya kyu nhi?” Danish was feeling like crying, his hands were shivering with the thought of Aisha's feeling for himself. Now her tears, her efforts, care and those prayers were making sense. 

(Why didn't she reveal if she truly loved him?)

"Kyuki Achhi ladkiyan khamosh hi rehti hain.” Zunera sighed. 

(Because good girls are better to be quiet.)

"Kya?” Danish was shocked. This is what Aisha said while crying. "Ye… ye kya kaha tha tumne?”

(What? Wh—what did you just say?)

"Ayeshe ka maanna tha ki achhi ladkiyan mohabbat nahi kartin... aur agar kar lain, to phir jataati nahi hain. Woh chup rehti hain, sabr karti hain aur apne maamlaat Allah ke supurd kar deti hain.” Zunera smiled like sadness and Danish felt words choked in his throat. 

(Ayesha believed that good girls do not fall in love... and if they do, they do not flaunt it. They remain silent, practice patience, and entrust their matters to Allah.)

Danish looked towards his hands, the book present there was trembling. Maybe he was feeling like crying for the first time for someone else. Was Aisha truly hiding her emotions from him? Kya Aisha ne sachhi mohabbat kari aur apna maamla allah ke suprud kar diya tha?

(So did Aisha love truly and entrust her matter to Allah?)