The Longest Autumn

“Wanna meet Aisha? I'm going to return her mobile." Breaking the hug he asked and Fayra shook her head slowly. 

“Why are you so silent unlike ever?" Danish asked politely. 

“Everything is messed up. Sometimes I curse the day we got married.” She broke his heart one more time.

“And why so?" 

“We could be great cousins, a great team but…" she stopped one more time. Right now she was feeling highly uncomfortable and cursing herself to hug him. It wasn't new for her to hug Danish but after getting married these small gestures could be considered something else. He was her safe zone but not her peace. 

“But what, Fayra?" Danish held her hand which she slowly pulled away from his grip. “What else do we need in the bond of marriage other than compatibility and teamwork? You care for me, I understand you. What else do we need?” 

"You're right but…” she didn't dare to say anything else. 

“Tell me whatever you want to share." His tone was firm. 

"You know what Danish I'm getting mad…” this was the first time in the last fifteen minutes when she looked into his eyes. And tears rolled down. 

“Aapko pta hai main har rooz hamare rishte ke bare me sochti hu, aapke bare me sochti hu. Har rooz sochti hu ki is rishte ko ek moqa de du lekin nhi de paati." Danish's heart skipped a beat, he wanted to ask the reason behind this statement but words didn't dare to come out from his lips. He kept an eye on the face that was the reason for his peace as well as pain. 

(You know what, I think about you and this relationship every single day. I tried my best to give a chance to this relationship but eventually something stopped me.)

"Aap preshan hote hain ya kisi takleef me hote hain to mujhse bardast nhi hota. Main aapke liye, aapki khushi aur sukun ke liye kuch bhi kar sakti hu. Aapko kisi aur ladki ke sath dekh ke mujhe jealousy hoti hai. Bachpan se aaj tak mujhse bardasht nhi hota agar aap par koi dusra apna haq jataye. Aap mere the aur mere hi hain, but at the same time jab main aapko as a husband dekhti hu to kuch galat lagta hai. Jese kuch gunah kar rhi hu." 

(I feel restless when you are sad or sick. I can do everything for you, to make you happy, to make you comfortable. I feel jealous of every single girl coming closer to you. I'm so possessive for you that I can't let you go, but at the same time when I think about you as a husband something feels unethical… like I'm doing something wrong.)

"Fayra, Nikkah hua hai hamara, isme koi gunah nhi hai. Kuch galat nhi hai. Tum isi tarha sari zindagi mujh par haq jatana, main sari zindagi tumhari zidde puri karunga. Tum mere sath kitna khush rehti thi pehle, ab kyu overthink karne lagi ho? Ek baar koshish to karo in shadi ko dil se qubul karne ki.” 

(Fayra were nikkahfied, there is nothing immoral or unethical. Keep claiming your right over me just like this for the rest of your life, and I will fulfill all your demands forever. You used to be so happy with me before, why have you started overthinking now? Just try, at least once, to accept this marriage from the bottom of your heart.)

"Aapko kya lagta hai maine koshish nhi kri? Har rooz koshish karti hu.” She cried out, "Har raat aapki yaad aati thi, har raat aapko call karne ka dil chahta tha, aapko daandke ghar wapas bula lene ka dil chahta tha, lekin aapki nazre mujhe ajeeb tarha dekhti hain… aap wo Danish nahi rhe jo pehle the.”

(Do you think I haven't tried? I try every single day. Every night I missed you, every night I wanted to call you, I wanted to scold you and bring you back home, but the way you look at me feels strange… you are not the same Danish you used to be.)

"Fayra tum badal gyi ho, main to ab bhi wo hi Danish hu, meri nazre hamesha se tumhe hasrat se dekhti thi, shayad tumhe kabhi bura nhi laga tha, aur ab tumhe main bura lagne laga hu." 

(Fayra, you have changed, I am still the exact same Danish. My eyes have always looked at you with deep desire—perhaps it never bothered you before, but now, you have started finding fault in me. You started disliking me.)

“Danish aap mujhe kabhi bure nhi lage, lekin ab mujhe aapki mojudgi me ghutan hone lagi hai, lekin main aapke bina reh bhi nhi sakti.” 

(Danish I never disliked you, but now I feel suffocation in your presence, but I can't stay without you.)

"Tum chahti kya ho Fayra?” He asked, holding his heart which was beating faster than ever, bearing all the daggers she was striking in his heart. 

(What do you want Fayra?)

"Mujhe nhi pta main kya chahti hu.” Her fingers entangled in her messy curls, clutching them in fist she muttered helplessly. For the first time Danish felt scared of her condition. She wasn't that full of life Fayra, this girl was looking broken, she needed therapy. She needed counselling. She was crying, panicking and looking scared. 

(I don't know what I want.)

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After enjoying a slow walk near the seashore, having coffee and pastry in a lavish cafe and buying a few expensive gifts for his wife, Anzala decided to go back home. Maizah wanted to give some more time to Danish and Fayra but for Anzala, five hours were more than enough. Moreover, he was tired now. After all, he wasn't a young man anymore. 

They both walked towards the elevator, a girl was already standing near it, both hands occupied with groceries. The door of the elevator opened, the girl stepped in and before the door was shut she noticed this middle aged tired couple coming towards the elevator with both hands occupied with shopping bags. She could ignore them. She could have thought that they would take the other elevator. Or she could simply unseen them but she decided not to be selfish one more time. She pressed and held the "Door Open" button, and the couple stepped into the elevator where the girl decided to avoid eye contact with them. 

Hardly ten seconds of silence passed and the door opened on the desired floor. She was about to step out from the elevator when stopped in between and turned back. 

“Aunty, can you please come with me for a while?” 

Anzala and Maizah exchanged a look and they both followed the girl silently. She was struggling to unlock the door when her both hands were occupied, for a moment Anzala stepped ahead to hold the weight from her hands but she passed a stretched smile and shook her head. "Thank you, but I can lift my burden." She muttered while stepping inside the home followed by both of them. 

“Please have a seat." And she walked towards the kitchen. In no time two glasses of juice were placed in front of this couple but the piercing silence was screaming loudly. 

“Aunty, Danish asked me to receive a parcel in his home. I didn't know the exact time of its arrival so I went there earlier… my bad." She said something sarcastic, but it didn't look like an explanation. “And that apartment wasn't fit for any civilized human, that's why I decided to clean it. One of the biggest mistakes of my life.” She shrugged her shoulders on the last part. 

Maizah and Anzala were sitting clueless, was it the only reason behind summoning them? But soon this girl brought a huge pile of clothes directly from the washing machine, and many dishes from the dishwasher. 

"Please take these things along,” she muttered, placing everything in front of them. "And I forgot my mobile in your apartment, please return it to me. Kindly don't send Danish to return it. I can't stand with more fingers pointing towards my character.." She asked with a blank face but the second half was mumbling. 

Anzala picked up the clothes and utensils and walked towards the door but “Anzu, Wait…” Maizah's voice stopped him. Aisha saw this lady with a question in her eyes. 

"Baat kar sakti hu tumse kuch dair?” Maizah asked with a small smile and this young lady nodded slowly.

(Can we talk just for a while?)

“Come here." Taking a step ahead Maizah opened an arm for Aisha. Anzala was not expecting anything like that, Aisha herself was in disbelief but she slowly took a step ahead and gave a side hug to Maizah.

“Nice to meet you, beta." Just a little word at the end of the sentence and Aisha's eyes filled with fresh tears. When did she hear this word for herself last time? She even forgot how it sounded when her mother used to call her by this sweet name.

“Trust me aunty, I stepped into Danish’s place for the first time, and I'm not lying.” 

"Okay. I understand. Even, I am sorry. We were shocked to see you there, so we reacted in that way.” Breaking the hug Maizah faked a smile. She remembered Danish explaining Aisha as a good friend, with a beautiful heart. And this lady didn't want to hurt her if she truly had a beautiful heart.

“Aunty aap log itna lamba travel karke aye hain, thak gye honge, aap logo ne kuch khaya?" Aisha did her favourite work without any delay. Offering food! It was her love language.

(Aunty, you’ve traveled such a long distance—you must be tired. Have you had your dinner or not?)

“Thank you beta, but we'll have dinner with Danish. It has been a long time since we shared our last meal.” Maizah whispered while cupping her face lovingly but all her gestures provided pain to Aisha. Pain of deprivation. 

"Sure aunty.” Aisha took a step away with a fake smile but her eyes filled with fresh tears, she tried her best to gulp those tears down but couldn't, they shapelessly displayed themselves while rolling down her cheeks. Aisha didn't take a second to wipe them away but Anzala and Maizah both noticed.

"What happened?”

"Nothing…" Aisha smiled while shrugging as if really nothing happened but Maizah placed her hand on her cheek. “You can tell me beta." Again a hammer on that already broken heart.

“Nothing just…" Aisha tried her best to smile but tears were still rolling down from her eyes. She cleaned those tears and looked at Maizah for a long moment.

"I heard this word for myself after four years… it reminded me of Ammi. That's why…” Aisha pressed her lips together, still crying but still trying to smile.

Anzala and Maizah were standing dumbfounded. Only a few hours ago they were seeing this girl like a culprit but now she is looking exactly opposite. 

"You're just like a daughter to me.” Maizah whispered while hugging this girl lovingly.

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Danish didn't have dinner properly, only three or four bites and he left the table silently. Fayra didn't look up towards him. Anzala and Maizah could feel some kind of tension between them but couldn't find any way to sort everything. 

Maybe in his whole life Anzala never felt so helpless and stressed that he was feeling now. He was unable to sleep even after a long trip. Somehow he took only a few minutes nap when this stress again woke him up. He looked beside himself, Danish wasn't present there. Fayra and Maizah were sleeping soundly on the bed, the father son duo were sharing a mattress on the floor but now the other side was empty.

He took a deep breath to confirm his doubt, the air was addressing cigarette smoke. Pushing away the blanket he walked towards the balcony attached to the bedroom. 

“Khud ko maarne me kya maza aata hai?" 

(What's enjoyable about killing yourself?)

Danish turned around after hearing the voice of his father. No matter what, he feels scared of this man when it comes to smoking. His hand slowly shoved behind his back hiding the glowing end of that thing but Anzala noticed ash and residue of some more freshly burnt cigarettes lying on the floor.

"We're here for the next fifteen days.” Danish nodded to his father's statement. “And you will be going back with us.” 

“What? No dad, I can't." I was about to start dealing with my first client here. I can't leave at this stage. It's crucial for my career." 

“Career? Which career? Destroying your health and future both in this way?

"I'm not going.” the non-stubborn Danish declared but the stubborn Anzala only stared at him. 

"You have a whole life to make a career, for now I want you to focus on your marriage. And you need to be there with Fayra to make everything fine." 

“Really?" Danish jerked his head. "Dad, I can't let my career suffer." He didn't say it out loud but he was disappointed in Fayra, maybe for the first time he started admitting that bringing around this girl was an impossible task. 

"Beta, aadmi pesa kamata hi kyu hai? Taaki uske biwi bachhe kharch kar sake… biwi se duriya bada ke pesa kama bhi liya to us se sukun aur kyushiya nhi khareed paoge.”

(A man earns for his family's happiness. If you drift away from your wife to make money, you'll never buy peace with it.)

“But dad… I don't want to go back." 

Anzala was silently trying to conclude what his son was in this rat hole sized apart apartment? "Is there something between you and Aisha?" 

“What? No dad, at least you trust me." 

“Okay, be ready, you're returning to India with us." 

“Dad… please.” 

"That's final, Danish. You wanted to come here to try your destiny, I agreed but…” Anzala took a pause. "You're unable to do anything in these 6-7 months, do you really think wasting more time will change things? Your earnings hardly meet your expenditure. Neither you have proper food to eat, nor a good place to live. What's the benefit of wasting time here? It will be better to skyrocket your business in India.” 

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