The Longest Autumn

In the middle of loneliness, hopelessness and silence she found refuge in this small corner of her home where she needed no one after sitting on the prayer rug. Life was never so difficult for her. Nor when her mother passed away, she had a hope in the form of her father and a man who was supposed to marry her. When that dream man went away from her life she still had support in the form of her father. And when her father passed away she had a silent support who was giving her hope in the form of Danish but now she was all alone.  

Wiping away her tears she took a deep breath, she promised herself to be strong and stop crying. "I'll work hard, and make my life better instead of wasting it in this way." She again made another promise without knowing how long it would stay with her. Before she could make more promises a doorbell rang which grabbed her attention.

Who could come? No one visited her for the last fifteen days other than Maizah to return her mobile. 

She walked towards the door patting her eyes and cheeks to wipe away the last traces of tears. As soon as the door was opened a man, whom she didn't want to meet again, was standing on the other side of the security door. 

"You?" 

"Yeah, me." 

"Ji, kahiye." 

(Yeah, say.)

"Andar nhi bulaogi?" 

(Won't you let me come inside?)

"Nhi. Jo kaam hai yahi se bta dijiye." 

(No, tell me what work you have with me.)

"Maafi mangne aaya hu tumse." He was pretty late for this work, yet... Better late than never. 

(I'm here to apologise.)

"Fine. I forgive you." She was about to close the door when a call stopped her.

"Aisha." She didn't reply, just waited for him to continue. "Aakhri baar tumse milne aaya hu, phir shayad mulaqat kabhi nhi hogi." 

(I'm here to meet you for the last time, then we won't meet again.)

"Why?" She tried to ask but her voice didn't come out. 

"I'm going back." The metallic bars of the door present between them heard his hushed voice and witnessed her eyes turning wet but she nodded without letting the emotions dance on her face. 

"Take care and Thank you for your support." She whispered. 

"It's for you." He lifted his hand, only then she noticed her favourite ice cream tub. 

"Thank you, but..." She forced a smile. "Give it to Fayra." 

"Aisha, I'm sorry, I know... My family's behaviour with you was not good, I apologise for that. Don't be angry with me while I'm going. Can't we meet for the last time as good friends?" 

"We can be good friends with this security door between us. And please don't apologise, it was all my fault, I shouldn't forget my limits." And she closed the door leaving Danish stunned. 

Was this friendship destined to end on such a bitter note? 

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After a long time Rizwi(s) were happy. Momina was in tears when she saw Danish after many months. Afnaan and Fiza missed this, whom they treated like their elder son. Adnaan and Sara were satisfied that now Fayra and her husband would stay together. Zunera and Zinia were most excited because without Danish and Fayra they both weren't enjoying themselves at all. However, two faces were untouched by a smile. Fayra and Danish. 

"Enjoyed?” Sara asked her daughter while opening her arms and Fayra hummed with a quick hug. There was something wrong, everyone could see but Sara felt worried. 

"Any problem? Are you sick? Or just because of travelling?” Adnaan touched Fayra’s forehead with the back of his palm, but her temperature was fine. 

“I'm fine. Just tired." 

“And why are you looking upset, Champ?" Adnaan asked Danish who himself didn't know the reason behind this behaviour. 

“Nothing, just tired." He muttered and walked upstairs leaving everyone waiting for him to spend some time with them after so long.

"What happened to him?” Adnaan asked Anzala but he had no answer. 

"He must be tired.” Maizah muttered with a fake smile but she also knew this matter wasn't so simple now. 

In these fifteen days Fayra and Danish didn't talk much. They all went to explore many places, Danish offered Fayra her favourite food and she accepted every time without paying attention to him. She had been talking to Danish in small sentences, just like formality and Danish wasn't roaming around her like he had been doing since childhood. 

“Hmm…” Sara nodded trying to pass a smile but it wasn't difficult for anyone to see the reality. "Danish won't go back again. Right?” Adnaan asked and Anzala nodded his head. 

“Nice, then we can think about their marriage. Their farewell is already too delayed." Sara suggested. For the elders this was the only thing looking like a solution to all the unknown problems but for Fayra this solution was the biggest problem itself.

“Theek hai phir, ladke wale aa rhe hain aaj raat tumhare ghar shadi ki date fix karne. Tayyariya kar lo, dinner tumhari taraf karenge.” Maizah announced happily.

(Alright then, the groom's family is coming to your house tonight to fix the wedding date. Make the preparations; dinner will be hosted by your side.)

“I'm from the groom's side." Zunera announced loudly while running towards Maizah and hugging her arm. “and… Since we're from the groom's side we have some demands that the bride's parents have to fulfill at any cost." Zunera announced loudly and everyone looked at the only person of this clan who was demanding dowry openly.

“And what's your demand madad?" Adnaan folded his arms on his chest and Zunera took a deep breath.

"Starting from today's dinner menu, everything should be of the groom's little sister's choice, actually it's a ritual in our family, groom's youngest sister is the most important part of the family so the bride's family should take care of her in every possible way. Bride's family members make sure to sponsor all the shopping expenses of the groom's youngest sister, give her gifts in every ceremony, and till one year of marriage she will get everything she demands for." Zunera’s list ended with a huge grin and Adnaan looked at Sara. 

"Sara ladke wale to laalchi lag rhe hain. Kya kehti hai?”

(Sara, The groom's family seems pretty greedy. What do you say?)

“Lalchi hain to lalchi hi sahi lekin ladki walo ko ye demands to puri karni hi padegi." Zunera rolled her eyes arrogantly to get a friendly glare from Adnaan but she glared at him back confidently.

(Greedy or not, the bride's family will have to fulfill these demands anyway.)

"Ab beti ki shadi karani hai to ladke walo ki sharte maanni hi padengi na.” Sara sighed, defeated but everyone laughed but Zinia widened her eyes.

(We have to fulfill all the demands of groom's side to let our daughter get married.)

“Hey… how can I stay behind?” Zinia questioned loudly while looking everywhere "I'm in the bride's team, but I'll take naig from both sides… and won't let the bride go away until I get all my demands fulfilled!" She grabbed Fayra's arm proudly.

{Naig is a customary gift or money given during wedding rituals as a token of love.}

"Are you sure you're asking for naig? Your demand sounds like ransom.” Zunera made fun of her sister, making everyone laugh other than Fayra.

"Mummy papa, I have to talk to you.” Fayra pulled away her hand from Zinia’s grip and looked at Adnaan who nodded without letting go of the enthusiastic smile. 

“Not here," glancing at every face Fayra muttered and walked towards her parents' bedroom. Sara and Adnaan followed their daughter after giving a questioning look to Anzala and Maizah, they both also exchanged a look, maybe they already knew what Fayra would share with her parents.

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“When we went to Danish's apartment he wasn't there but a girl was present in his home, doing all the chores like it was her own home. Though Danish and she explained the reason which seems genuine but I wanted to hide nothing from my parents before they thought about the farewell." 

Only one statement from Fayra and now Adnaan was unable to sleep, on the other hand Sara was pretending to sleep but her mind wasn't resting at all. After getting the information from Dayra they both immediately took this matter to Anzala and Maizah Just to get an assurance as well as clean chit regarding Danish and Aisha's relationship but the parents of the girl were stressed.

"Are you still up?” Looking at his wife he asked and she uncovered her face. "Hmm.” She hummed. Walking away from the window Adnaan came to the bed. 

"What do you think? Are they hiding their son's deeds?” Asked Adnaan after sitting in front of his wife.

"I still remember your case, I don't want to repeat the past.” Said Sara in a hushed tone sending Adnaan to a guilt trip but he was back soon because this time present mattered more than past. 

"But this case is different Sara, Danish loves Fayra. We all know this. His eyes tell this.”

"Adnaan I just don't want to make my daughter suffer. That's it!”

"Nor I.” He muttered while closing his eyes and resting his head on the headboard of the bed.

"Summon Fayra.” After a long silence he demanded and Sara glanced at the clock which was showing quarter to twelve." 

"At this time?" 

“Hmm, she must be awake." He nodded but before Sara could react he himself stood up and walked out of the room followed by his wife. They both went to her room which was empty. 

“Terrace?" Sara looked at Adnaan who nodded in agreement. Where else would she go when she is upset?

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Naming this emptiness was becoming impossible. Once he was feeling empty because he was away from his family and home however this time he was feeling homeless even after coming back to his own home. 

The room, which was his safe place, became a jail. Why are all the walls narrowing around him? Why was it getting difficult to breathe in this space? Taking his cigarette packet he walked out from the room and looked at the corridor. Either he could go to the terrace or to the lawn but I which one was better he didn't know. Both looked equally uninviting. He silently followed his heart and accepted the movement of his feet to reach an empty terrace. ‘What emptiness is this?’ taking a deep breath and rubbing his chest he asked himself. To make the already open more suffocating he lit a cigarette and closed his eyes. What was burning more? The cigarette or his peace? 

Before the cigarette was consumed fully he heard a voice coming upstairs and when he turned back they both were frozen in their places.

Fayra's eyes fall on the ‘V’ grip of his fingers holding the cigarette then towards his lips and nostrils blowing out the smoke.

“Aapka dimag kharab ho gya hai?" She burst out in anger after seeing him killing himself in bits. 

(Have you lost your senses?)

"Dimag, zindagi, sukun sab hi kharab ho gya hai.” Mumbling that he turned his back towards Fayra to resume stargazing. 

Stars… another unattainable entity in his life. 

(Senses, peace and joy of life… I lost everything.)

Another puff of cigarette. Another cloud of smoke. Fayra huffed while walking ahead and grabbed his arm with anger. “What the hell are you doing? Why did you start smoking again?" 

“Tumhe kya preshani hai Fayra? Agar meri presence yaha bhi tumhe uncomfortable kar rhi hai to main yaha se bhi chala jata hu." Jerking her hand away from his arm he threw the cigarette on the marble floor, for the first time he had a hard look for her. “Chala to gya tha tumhari zindagi se, lekin mere ghar wale hi mere dushman ban chuke hain, le aye wapas. Ab kaha jau jo tumhe mera chehra na dikhe? Mar jau kya?” The last sentence dropped her heart. She never wanted to see Danish in discomfort but now she was becoming the biggest problem. 

(Am I bothering you Fayra? I would leave if my presence is making you uncomfortable.)

(I had already left your life, but my own family became my enemies and dragged me back. Where the hell am I supposed to go now so you don't have to see my face? Should I just die?)

"Danish kesi baate kar rhe hain? Aap pagal ho gye hain kya?” She was shocked. For the first time she was scared of the person whom she loved the most. But… probably not all kinds of love can be written in the form of a love story. Her eyes pooled up, taking a step ahead she held his hand. Just like she used to do in childhood. 

(Danish, what rubbish are you saying? Are you mad?)

He nodded, teeth gritted, eyes hard, and breathing faster. "Haan, ho gya hu pagal. Tumne kar diya hai mujhe pagal.”

(Yeah I'm mad. You made me a madman.)

“Are you blaming me?" The tears present in her eyes slipped away.

“No I'm not blaming you but putting the reality in front of you." 

“You're sounding as if you hate me." She tried hard to find out the old version of Danish who used to shower love on her in every possible way but this man was different. He was not making her feel like a princess of this home and the most precious thing of his life. 

“No, I don't hate you. I never did. But…” he took a deep breath and let it go… “now I'm tired, Fayra. I'm tired of making you believe in my love, I'm tired of waiting for your realisation, I'm tired of this suffocation. I die every single time when I see you making distance between us. I die every single time when you find ways to get away from me. You make me feel guilty for intruding into your life.”

"Is it all my fault? Why aren't you seeing things from my perspective?” She left his hand before taking a step away from him and he smiled sarcastically. 

"Make you mind darling. Be sure about your decision. When I try to come closer you feel uncomfortable, when I try to make distance between us you don't want me to go away from you.” 

"Because I can't live without you Danish. Try to understand. I feel empty without you.”

"Oh really?” He jerked his head and she nodded while rubbing her tear filled eyes like a little child. “You can't live without me, but the question is… can you live with me?” The question clenched her heart. This was her biggest fear. Her colourless face already delivered the answer to Danish. 

"Tumhari Mohabbat ne mujhe barbaad kar diya hai Fayra, main tumse Mohabbat ki bheek nhi mangunga. Jo chahe wo karo, bas mujhe is khokhle rishte se azad kar do. Agar is rishte ko dil se qubul kar sakti ho to kar lo, tumhe sari zindagi apne dil aur zindagi ki Rani bana ke rakhunga, tumhe kabhi preshan nhi hone dunga. Aur agar tumhare liye ye rishta bojh hai jise tum apne kandho se utaar k phaik dena chahti ho to faysla kar lo. Main har rooz tumhare aane ki ummed aur tumhare chale jane ke dar ke sath nhi reh sakta. Khud bhi aazad ho jao aur mujhe bhi azaad kar do is har rooz ki aziyat aur aazmaish se." And he walked towards the stairs but his steps were haltered. Two people were standing dumbfounded, they were here to meet their daughter and console her but they got to know something new too. 

(Your love has ruined me, Fayra. I won't beg for it. Just free me from this hollow relationship. If you can accept it from your heart, I'll make you the queen of my life. But if it's a burden, just decide. I can't live every day hoping you’ll stay and fearing you’ll leave. Free yourself, and free me from this daily torment.)

Danish didn't waste more time, he walked past Adnaan and Sara without bothering to notice their expressions. 

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